1 00:00:02,203 --> 00:00:04,753 ♪ It seems today that all you see 2 00:00:04,822 --> 00:00:08,056 ♪ Is violence in movies and sex on TV 3 00:00:08,125 --> 00:00:11,743 ♪ But where are those good old-fashioned values 4 00:00:11,812 --> 00:00:14,779 ♪ On which we used to rely? 5 00:00:14,848 --> 00:00:18,133 ♪ Lucky there's a family guy 6 00:00:18,219 --> 00:00:21,353 ♪ Lucky there's a man who positively can do 7 00:00:21,422 --> 00:00:23,071 ♪ All the things that make us 8 00:00:23,140 --> 00:00:24,723 ♪ Laugh and cry 9 00:00:24,792 --> 00:00:29,878 ♪ He's a family guy ♪ 10 00:00:35,586 --> 00:00:36,601 Morning, Stella. 11 00:00:36,670 --> 00:00:37,780 Morning, Peter. 12 00:00:37,804 --> 00:00:39,365 Hey, listen, I got to ask you something. 13 00:00:39,389 --> 00:00:42,891 Last night, I heard the song Pour Some Sugar on Me, 14 00:00:42,960 --> 00:00:45,193 and this question popped into my head. 15 00:00:45,262 --> 00:00:46,795 Are you... And please say yes. 16 00:00:46,864 --> 00:00:49,330 Are you related... And even if you're not, please say yes. 17 00:00:49,399 --> 00:00:50,766 Are you related to... 18 00:00:50,834 --> 00:00:52,879 And please say yes because I need the attention from my friends. 19 00:00:52,903 --> 00:00:55,020 Are you related to Def Leppard? 20 00:00:55,089 --> 00:00:56,705 Griffin, can I talk to you privately? 21 00:00:56,773 --> 00:00:58,523 Stella, turn around. 22 00:00:58,592 --> 00:01:01,543 That is one nice thing about having a deaf coworker. 23 00:01:01,612 --> 00:01:04,012 That and I can work on my verbal sound effects 24 00:01:04,080 --> 00:01:06,909 and not feel self-conscious about the ones that aren't quite there yet. 25 00:01:06,933 --> 00:01:08,600 What are you talking about? 26 00:01:08,669 --> 00:01:11,336 I'm talking about this... 27 00:01:11,405 --> 00:01:14,673 That's a helicopter hovering over a woman swimming in her pool. 28 00:01:14,742 --> 00:01:16,953 I also do animals. Here's a mouse. 29 00:01:16,977 --> 00:01:18,644 Mouse? 30 00:01:18,712 --> 00:01:20,078 Oh, that one's ready. 31 00:01:20,147 --> 00:01:21,913 Griffin, I actually came to tell you 32 00:01:21,982 --> 00:01:24,483 that you're being promoted to forklift operator. 33 00:01:24,551 --> 00:01:25,917 Really? That's awesome! 34 00:01:25,986 --> 00:01:27,452 Yeah, Frank retired, 35 00:01:27,521 --> 00:01:29,499 and since you're already required to wear a helmet here, 36 00:01:29,523 --> 00:01:30,800 which, by the way, put on your helmet. 37 00:01:30,824 --> 00:01:31,956 Oh, sorry. 38 00:01:32,025 --> 00:01:33,625 Anyway, the job is yours. 39 00:01:33,694 --> 00:01:35,794 Which means you'll be receiving a 5% raise. 40 00:01:35,862 --> 00:01:37,329 Wow! A raise! 41 00:01:37,398 --> 00:01:38,997 I guess this means 42 00:01:39,066 --> 00:01:41,850 I can afford to set up this cutaway with a fancy new transition. 43 00:01:41,919 --> 00:01:43,785 ♪ Cutaway 44 00:01:52,663 --> 00:01:54,580 ♪ End of cutaway ♪ 45 00:01:57,418 --> 00:01:58,867 All right, Griffin, 46 00:01:58,936 --> 00:02:01,403 I want you to move all those pallets from here to there. 47 00:02:01,471 --> 00:02:02,704 Okay, how? 48 00:02:02,773 --> 00:02:04,506 With the forklift you're sitting on. 49 00:02:04,574 --> 00:02:06,208 Ah. All right. 50 00:02:06,277 --> 00:02:09,155 There's gonna be a lot of guessing on this job. 51 00:02:09,179 --> 00:02:12,330 All right, you beautiful bastard, show me what you got. 52 00:02:22,026 --> 00:02:25,146 Peter, you can run now, and no one will call you a quitter. 53 00:02:25,178 --> 00:02:26,545 What am I saying? No. 54 00:02:26,613 --> 00:02:29,431 I learned how to use stickers, and I can learn how to use this. 55 00:02:50,287 --> 00:02:52,120 Oh. This is awesome! 56 00:03:10,974 --> 00:03:14,309 Oh, guys, good, you're here. I am so excited. Guess what. 57 00:03:14,378 --> 00:03:16,445 I hope this isn't about your podcast again. 58 00:03:16,513 --> 00:03:17,824 Why? Did you finally listen to it? 59 00:03:17,848 --> 00:03:19,625 Yeah, it was just 15 minutes of you listing 60 00:03:19,649 --> 00:03:21,444 all the hats you could think of. 61 00:03:21,468 --> 00:03:24,385 Sherlock Holmes hat. Football man hat. 62 00:03:24,454 --> 00:03:27,155 Angry working-class Irish idiot hat. 63 00:03:27,224 --> 00:03:30,458 Underwear 'cause you're a cat in the laundry basket hat. 64 00:03:30,527 --> 00:03:33,528 Vietnamese "the sun is my enemy" hat. 65 00:03:33,596 --> 00:03:37,132 Halloween-mask- that-I flip-up-to-eat-my-candy hat. 66 00:03:37,201 --> 00:03:39,767 College-guy-wearing- a-pizza-box hat. 67 00:03:39,837 --> 00:03:41,436 Blue hat. 68 00:03:41,504 --> 00:03:43,505 I think that's all the hats. 69 00:03:43,573 --> 00:03:46,174 No, you guys, this is really big. You're not gonna believe this. 70 00:03:46,243 --> 00:03:47,642 Peter, we've been over this. 71 00:03:47,711 --> 00:03:51,546 You're not allowed to say that unless there's a forklift outside. 72 00:03:51,615 --> 00:03:52,881 Forklift! 73 00:03:54,050 --> 00:03:55,083 Wow! 74 00:03:55,151 --> 00:03:56,551 I know. Awesome, right? 75 00:03:56,620 --> 00:03:57,953 Oh, my God, I want to get on! 76 00:03:58,021 --> 00:04:00,755 Hold on. Remember the first thing we said we'd do. 77 00:04:03,761 --> 00:04:06,361 Wow. So that's what the tops of cars look like. 78 00:04:06,429 --> 00:04:08,463 All right, walking speed. 79 00:04:10,216 --> 00:04:11,783 Afternoon, ma'am. 80 00:04:11,851 --> 00:04:13,485 Afternoon to you, normal sir. 81 00:04:13,553 --> 00:04:15,887 No one can tell. 82 00:04:15,956 --> 00:04:18,890 Uh, how's the weather down there, you short idiot? 83 00:04:18,958 --> 00:04:20,352 Should we tell him his pants fell off? 84 00:04:20,376 --> 00:04:21,776 No, let's wait a while. 85 00:04:21,845 --> 00:04:24,579 ♪ You can tell by the way I use my walk 86 00:04:24,647 --> 00:04:28,015 ♪ I walk all the time 'cause my legs can walk ♪ 87 00:04:43,250 --> 00:04:45,199 Uh, are you gonna stay for the bris? 88 00:04:45,268 --> 00:04:47,235 Nah, I don't want to see that. 89 00:04:49,957 --> 00:04:51,589 This whale's beached himself. 90 00:04:51,658 --> 00:04:54,225 He needs to get back in the water or he'll die. 91 00:04:54,294 --> 00:04:57,378 - Step aside, I'll handle this. - Give me some room. 92 00:06:08,752 --> 00:06:11,069 You're "whale-come." 93 00:06:11,138 --> 00:06:12,978 Oh! Cool shell. 94 00:06:26,953 --> 00:06:29,098 This is what it's all about, huh, Duke? 95 00:06:29,122 --> 00:06:31,856 Six hundred gallons of beer in one big thing. 96 00:06:31,925 --> 00:06:33,858 This is what we do, Peter. 97 00:06:33,927 --> 00:06:35,772 You know, I always thought I could chug that, 98 00:06:35,796 --> 00:06:37,973 but I never tried 'cause I figured I couldn't lift it. 99 00:06:37,997 --> 00:06:39,431 Until now. 100 00:06:39,499 --> 00:06:41,649 Are you nuts? No way you can chug that. 101 00:06:41,718 --> 00:06:46,004 No, I can totally do it. I've only had, like, four beers this morning. 102 00:07:03,940 --> 00:07:07,108 He's doing it! It's killing him, but he's doing it. 103 00:07:15,618 --> 00:07:18,636 So, as you can see, sales are going very well. 104 00:07:22,443 --> 00:07:24,292 Griffin, you're fired! 105 00:07:24,361 --> 00:07:26,127 Eh. See if I care. 106 00:07:27,331 --> 00:07:28,596 Hello, COBRA? 107 00:07:28,665 --> 00:07:32,234 I'd like to pay $1,300 for one month of health insurance. 108 00:07:39,475 --> 00:07:41,637 How's the job search going, Dad? 109 00:07:41,661 --> 00:07:43,161 Not great, Chris. 110 00:07:43,230 --> 00:07:45,108 I'm looking at the paper right now. I don't see a lot here. 111 00:07:45,132 --> 00:07:47,415 Hey, Lois, how much you think a Sagittarius pays? 112 00:07:47,483 --> 00:07:49,294 I think you're in the wrong section, Peter. 113 00:07:49,318 --> 00:07:51,118 Oh, pardon me. 114 00:07:51,187 --> 00:07:54,088 Looks like the Dodgers just cut Pena. Might be something there. 115 00:07:54,157 --> 00:07:55,723 Peter, put the paper down. 116 00:07:55,792 --> 00:07:57,359 Okay, kids, off to school. 117 00:07:57,427 --> 00:07:59,823 Now, I know it's picture day, but we can't afford them anymore, 118 00:07:59,847 --> 00:08:03,515 so just run behind another kid when they're getting their picture taken. 119 00:08:07,787 --> 00:08:09,870 Peter, we should talk about this job situation. 120 00:08:09,940 --> 00:08:12,001 Our savings are getting pretty low. 121 00:08:12,025 --> 00:08:14,337 You know, actually, Peter, there's a lot of job-training programs 122 00:08:14,361 --> 00:08:16,027 sponsored by the state 123 00:08:16,096 --> 00:08:18,174 that could help you get the skills you need for another occupation. 124 00:08:18,198 --> 00:08:19,709 You know, Brian, you could get a job. 125 00:08:19,733 --> 00:08:22,834 I have a job. I'm a writer, Peter. I'm working right now. 126 00:08:22,903 --> 00:08:24,168 See this, all of this? 127 00:08:24,237 --> 00:08:26,170 This is the raw material of a picture of life 128 00:08:26,239 --> 00:08:28,106 that I'm gonna paint with words. 129 00:08:28,174 --> 00:08:30,041 Yesterday, it took you 30 minutes 130 00:08:30,110 --> 00:08:31,921 to lap up a cold cut off the floor. 131 00:08:31,945 --> 00:08:33,728 That's my process! 132 00:08:33,797 --> 00:08:36,826 It's been three weeks and you haven't had a single job lead. 133 00:08:36,850 --> 00:08:38,049 That's not true. 134 00:08:38,118 --> 00:08:40,185 I came really close with that job at the school. 135 00:08:40,253 --> 00:08:42,081 So, what makes you want to be a crossing guard? 136 00:08:42,105 --> 00:08:43,549 I don't know, I just thought it would be cool 137 00:08:43,573 --> 00:08:46,892 to decide which kids do and don't get hit by a car. 138 00:08:46,960 --> 00:08:49,488 Well, Peter, since you've been having such a tough time, 139 00:08:49,512 --> 00:08:52,447 I was thinking, maybe I should look for a job. 140 00:08:52,515 --> 00:08:55,350 Lois, I'll be damned if I will let my wife be a prostitute. 141 00:08:55,419 --> 00:08:58,086 What? No, I'll get a regular job. 142 00:08:58,155 --> 00:08:59,988 What, like a lawyer? 143 00:09:00,057 --> 00:09:03,091 Peter, there are jobs for women between prostitute and lawyer. 144 00:09:03,160 --> 00:09:04,225 Wartime nurse? 145 00:09:04,294 --> 00:09:06,594 We need money. I'm gonna look for a job. 146 00:09:06,663 --> 00:09:08,430 Eh. I guess you should. 147 00:09:08,498 --> 00:09:11,933 And that'll give me more time to focus on expanding my record collection. 148 00:09:12,002 --> 00:09:13,079 How's this one? 149 00:09:13,103 --> 00:09:15,570 Oh, Bach is very good. I recommend. 150 00:09:15,638 --> 00:09:16,732 And this one? 151 00:09:16,756 --> 00:09:20,325 Oh, Mozart. The boy genius. The best. 152 00:09:20,394 --> 00:09:21,571 Okay, how about this? 153 00:09:21,595 --> 00:09:24,295 Oh, Debussy. I love Debussy. 154 00:09:24,364 --> 00:09:27,131 Sometimes all I can think about is Debussy. 155 00:09:27,200 --> 00:09:31,352 Oh, look at the pianist! The pianist is so good with Debussy. 156 00:09:31,421 --> 00:09:32,987 So, you like his early work? 157 00:09:33,056 --> 00:09:36,390 Oh, yes, when Debussy was young, that's when you want Debussy. 158 00:09:36,459 --> 00:09:37,708 Okay, I'll take these two. 159 00:09:37,778 --> 00:09:39,343 Very good, sir. 160 00:09:39,412 --> 00:09:43,114 Just make sure you finish on the Bach. Never finish on Debussy. 161 00:09:44,918 --> 00:09:46,484 Bravo! Bravo! 162 00:09:51,041 --> 00:09:53,741 All right, you can do this. 163 00:09:53,810 --> 00:09:55,010 You've shopped here for years. 164 00:09:55,078 --> 00:09:58,145 You know this place like the back of your hand. 165 00:09:59,449 --> 00:10:02,066 Now, Mrs. Griffin, where did you go to college? 166 00:10:02,135 --> 00:10:03,135 Groceries. 167 00:10:03,203 --> 00:10:05,014 Are you available to work weekends? 168 00:10:05,038 --> 00:10:06,404 Groceries. 169 00:10:06,472 --> 00:10:09,318 Very impressive. This next one is a trick question. 170 00:10:09,342 --> 00:10:11,126 Groceries? I'm hired. 171 00:10:11,194 --> 00:10:12,727 Welcome aboard. 172 00:10:17,200 --> 00:10:19,050 Hey, guys, great news. 173 00:10:19,119 --> 00:10:21,169 You're looking at the new assistant store manager 174 00:10:21,237 --> 00:10:22,570 of Stop 'N Shop. 175 00:10:22,638 --> 00:10:25,051 You got a job at the grocery store? That's great! 176 00:10:25,075 --> 00:10:27,741 You get to see all the food before it's famous. 177 00:10:27,810 --> 00:10:30,423 You know you've made it when you've got a teenage boss. 178 00:10:30,447 --> 00:10:31,662 Lois, that's awesome! 179 00:10:31,731 --> 00:10:33,276 Now I can spend my days at The Clam 180 00:10:33,300 --> 00:10:34,777 like we've always talked about. 181 00:10:34,801 --> 00:10:37,302 No, Peter, if I'm gonna be out of the house working, 182 00:10:37,371 --> 00:10:39,471 you're gonna have to take over for me in the house. 183 00:10:39,539 --> 00:10:41,706 Wait, wait, what, I got to do what you do? 184 00:10:41,774 --> 00:10:43,619 Spending the whole day taking Tylenol PMs 185 00:10:43,643 --> 00:10:45,405 and straddling the bath faucet? 186 00:10:45,429 --> 00:10:47,756 The guy knows what's going on here, I'll give him that. 187 00:10:47,780 --> 00:10:49,163 No, I mean, you're gonna need to 188 00:10:49,232 --> 00:10:51,799 cook the meals and do laundry and take care of Stewie, 189 00:10:51,868 --> 00:10:53,167 like I've been doing. 190 00:10:53,236 --> 00:10:55,303 Are you serious? Dad's gonna run the house? 191 00:10:55,372 --> 00:10:56,437 Hey, I can do it. 192 00:10:56,506 --> 00:10:58,205 I mean, it can't be any harder than 193 00:10:58,275 --> 00:10:59,952 that job I used to have at the bowling alley. 194 00:10:59,976 --> 00:11:01,242 Bowlarama. 195 00:11:01,311 --> 00:11:02,744 Yes, we're open. 196 00:11:02,813 --> 00:11:04,824 Oh, yes, we have a wide selection of balls 197 00:11:04,848 --> 00:11:07,782 that are way too heavy or have too-small finger holes. 198 00:11:07,851 --> 00:11:10,162 Uh, no, you will not be able to do anything with your wrist 199 00:11:10,186 --> 00:11:12,253 for seven days afterward. 200 00:11:12,322 --> 00:11:14,166 Yes, sir, all of the joysticks in the arcade 201 00:11:14,190 --> 00:11:15,968 are completely covered in pizza grease, 202 00:11:15,992 --> 00:11:17,425 no worries there. 203 00:11:17,494 --> 00:11:18,893 What's that? 204 00:11:18,962 --> 00:11:20,940 Oh, absolutely, there is always a group of teenagers 205 00:11:20,964 --> 00:11:23,765 throwing the ball real hard and scaring everyone. 206 00:11:23,834 --> 00:11:26,601 No, there is no smoking, but we do let you smoke. 207 00:11:26,670 --> 00:11:28,837 Yes, it's all terrible, come on down. 208 00:11:34,177 --> 00:11:35,993 Why are you doing laundry in the dishwasher? 209 00:11:36,062 --> 00:11:37,606 Oh, I can't use the washing machine, 210 00:11:37,630 --> 00:11:39,911 it's really been acting up lately. 211 00:11:40,299 --> 00:11:41,983 What the hell? 212 00:11:42,051 --> 00:11:43,351 What's going on down here? 213 00:11:43,419 --> 00:11:47,054 This is washing machine stuff. Go back upstairs, suck-bag. 214 00:11:51,044 --> 00:11:53,139 All right, Stewie, I'm gonna change your diaper now. 215 00:11:53,163 --> 00:11:55,730 Which, unfortunately, means I have to touch your privates. 216 00:11:55,799 --> 00:11:58,800 All right, so here I come with the cloth. Okay? 217 00:11:58,868 --> 00:12:00,601 This is not sexual. 218 00:12:00,670 --> 00:12:03,337 All right, I've made contact with your undercarriage. 219 00:12:03,406 --> 00:12:05,840 I am moving it upwards with a cupped hand. 220 00:12:05,909 --> 00:12:08,654 I'm looking you in the eye now. Please meet my gaze. 221 00:12:08,678 --> 00:12:10,011 And we're done. 222 00:12:10,097 --> 00:12:12,113 That was intense. 223 00:12:15,035 --> 00:12:16,762 All right, kids, you are really gonna love 224 00:12:16,786 --> 00:12:18,998 these Cornish game hens I cooked for dinner. 225 00:12:19,022 --> 00:12:20,649 Now, I don't want to pat myself on the back, 226 00:12:20,673 --> 00:12:22,974 but I worked all day getting 'em just right. 227 00:12:23,043 --> 00:12:24,943 Holy crap! 228 00:12:25,011 --> 00:12:27,295 Oh, my God. Then that means... 229 00:12:28,464 --> 00:12:30,347 And that also means... 230 00:12:33,436 --> 00:12:34,768 You know what, Peter? 231 00:12:34,837 --> 00:12:37,957 You tried hard, and you still earned that wine. 232 00:12:42,796 --> 00:12:44,579 I'm home! 233 00:12:44,648 --> 00:12:46,914 Wow, Peter, the house looks amazing. 234 00:12:46,983 --> 00:12:49,750 Yeah, let's take off our shoes and try to keep it that way, huh? 235 00:12:49,819 --> 00:12:51,335 No, really, Peter, 236 00:12:51,404 --> 00:12:53,838 it seems like you've really taken to being a househusband. 237 00:12:53,907 --> 00:12:55,156 Well, it hasn't been easy. 238 00:12:55,225 --> 00:12:56,719 Between doing the laundry and vacuuming, 239 00:12:56,743 --> 00:12:59,054 I barely had time to put on a nice sweater 240 00:12:59,078 --> 00:13:01,438 and clasp a cup of tea with two hands. 241 00:13:08,454 --> 00:13:10,721 And now to tie this sweater around my waist 242 00:13:10,791 --> 00:13:13,024 and walk around the neighborhood. 243 00:13:13,093 --> 00:13:16,643 Well, what do you say I reward you for all your hard work? 244 00:13:16,712 --> 00:13:19,380 Geez, Lois, is that all you think about? I'm tired. 245 00:13:19,449 --> 00:13:23,151 Come on, Peter, I need this release. I had a long day at work. 246 00:13:23,219 --> 00:13:24,718 Oh, work. 247 00:13:24,787 --> 00:13:27,455 I suppose work is why you missed Chris' father-son picnic. 248 00:13:27,524 --> 00:13:29,357 Peter, you're still Chris' father. 249 00:13:29,426 --> 00:13:34,012 Why can't you just listen instead of trying to fix everything? 250 00:13:34,080 --> 00:13:36,497 Get in here, Peter. Don't you want to have sex? 251 00:13:36,566 --> 00:13:39,233 I don't think we've done it since I started working. 252 00:13:39,302 --> 00:13:40,718 Yeah, I guess you're right. 253 00:13:40,786 --> 00:13:44,088 Come on, where's my big, strong man? 254 00:13:44,157 --> 00:13:47,397 Putting on one of your dress shirts to look sexy. 255 00:13:52,348 --> 00:13:54,210 I want to do it on top of the comforter. 256 00:13:54,234 --> 00:13:56,045 I don't care if we make streaks. 257 00:13:56,069 --> 00:13:58,264 Well, of course you don't. You're not the one who cleans it. 258 00:13:58,288 --> 00:14:00,921 Peter, just shut up and take me! 259 00:14:05,311 --> 00:14:08,179 Peter, get up! Get up! There's a caterpillar in the bed! 260 00:14:08,248 --> 00:14:10,097 Oh, that's, uh... That's me. 261 00:14:10,166 --> 00:14:11,216 What? 262 00:14:11,284 --> 00:14:13,017 How do I put this delicately? 263 00:14:13,086 --> 00:14:16,220 My hog cannot partake in the slop this evening. 264 00:14:16,289 --> 00:14:19,524 Peter, are you having trouble getting ready? 265 00:14:19,593 --> 00:14:21,359 Yes, obviously, I'm having trouble! 266 00:14:21,428 --> 00:14:23,422 Well, somebody's gonna have sex with me. 267 00:14:23,446 --> 00:14:24,579 Lois, don't say that. 268 00:14:24,647 --> 00:14:26,997 Quagmire will show up like the Road Runner. 269 00:14:30,120 --> 00:14:33,400 It's okay, your vagina's just a painted-on hole. 270 00:14:40,914 --> 00:14:42,729 Oh, Peter, you're up. 271 00:14:42,798 --> 00:14:46,167 That's not what I heard. 272 00:14:46,235 --> 00:14:48,748 Hey, Peter, you want a little something to put in that orange juice? 273 00:14:48,772 --> 00:14:50,237 What? Why? It's 9:00 a.m. 274 00:14:50,307 --> 00:14:53,002 Well, I figured you'd like to start your day with a stiff one. 275 00:14:54,444 --> 00:14:58,462 You can't get a boner! You're a failure as a man and a father. 276 00:14:58,531 --> 00:15:00,326 Peter, it's nothing to get upset about. 277 00:15:00,350 --> 00:15:03,617 There's treatments available. We'll go see Dr. Hartman. 278 00:15:03,686 --> 00:15:05,519 I don't want to do that, I'm embarrassed. 279 00:15:05,588 --> 00:15:07,054 This shouldn't embarrass you. 280 00:15:07,122 --> 00:15:09,290 The size should embarrass you. 281 00:15:14,798 --> 00:15:16,808 How about now? Is this doing anything for you? 282 00:15:16,832 --> 00:15:18,461 No. Hmm. 283 00:15:18,485 --> 00:15:20,684 Well, what if I show you my tattoo? 284 00:15:22,271 --> 00:15:23,437 Nothing. 285 00:15:23,506 --> 00:15:25,284 Well, you got a dead rat in your pants, mister. 286 00:15:25,308 --> 00:15:27,625 There's got to be something you can do, Dr. Hartman. 287 00:15:27,693 --> 00:15:29,237 Have you tried getting a divorce? 288 00:15:29,261 --> 00:15:31,181 I've never seen this problem in a single man. 289 00:15:31,230 --> 00:15:33,698 Doctor, what about Viagra or Cialis? 290 00:15:33,766 --> 00:15:35,165 What about them? 291 00:15:35,234 --> 00:15:37,901 Well, if Peter could try them, they might help with his problem. 292 00:15:37,970 --> 00:15:39,503 Those are for man troubles? 293 00:15:39,572 --> 00:15:42,156 I've been prescribing them as antidepressants. 294 00:15:42,225 --> 00:15:45,459 Everything's just getting harder and harder. 295 00:15:50,533 --> 00:15:52,150 Hey, you guys want another round? 296 00:15:52,218 --> 00:15:53,862 I don't know, Peter, it's getting kind of late. 297 00:15:53,886 --> 00:15:55,080 Yeah, I got to get going. 298 00:15:55,104 --> 00:15:56,849 It takes me three hours to get ready for bed. 299 00:15:56,873 --> 00:15:58,606 Oh, please don't make me go home 300 00:15:58,674 --> 00:16:00,374 and disappoint my wife yet again! 301 00:16:00,443 --> 00:16:01,854 What are you talking about, Peter? 302 00:16:01,878 --> 00:16:04,222 You know how earlier tonight we all said we had erections? 303 00:16:04,246 --> 00:16:05,913 I lied. So did I. 304 00:16:05,999 --> 00:16:07,931 Dr. Hartman says I'm impotent. 305 00:16:08,000 --> 00:16:09,595 Oh, you don't have to take that from him. 306 00:16:09,619 --> 00:16:12,130 You know, Dr. Hartman once told me I had gonorrhea. 307 00:16:12,154 --> 00:16:13,782 So I hit him in the head with a bat. 308 00:16:13,806 --> 00:16:16,891 I give gonorrhea. I don't get gonorrhea. Okay? 309 00:16:16,960 --> 00:16:18,292 It's terrible, guys. 310 00:16:18,361 --> 00:16:20,422 I tried the pills he gave me, but even they didn't work. 311 00:16:20,446 --> 00:16:21,674 Well, look at it this way, Peter. 312 00:16:21,698 --> 00:16:23,141 Without sex, you'll have more time 313 00:16:23,165 --> 00:16:25,077 to do the things you've always wanted to do. 314 00:16:25,101 --> 00:16:27,146 For me, it was learning to play the trombone. 315 00:16:27,170 --> 00:16:29,097 Why the hell would you want to play the trombone? 316 00:16:29,121 --> 00:16:30,954 For moments like this. 317 00:16:31,023 --> 00:16:33,173 Peter can't get an erection. 318 00:16:35,477 --> 00:16:39,547 Peter, I am gonna help you beat impotence. We can do this together. 319 00:16:39,615 --> 00:16:41,565 Thanks, Quagmire, 'cause this sucks. 320 00:16:41,634 --> 00:16:44,919 I think even the people at the office-supply store can tell. 321 00:16:44,988 --> 00:16:47,672 Um, excuse me, where do you keep your three-ring binders? 322 00:16:47,740 --> 00:16:49,039 Those are on aisle... 323 00:16:49,108 --> 00:16:50,608 Hold on a sec. 324 00:16:52,762 --> 00:16:54,762 We're all out of binders. 325 00:16:57,133 --> 00:16:59,295 All right, Peter, now, when it comes to curing impotence, 326 00:16:59,319 --> 00:17:00,829 sometimes you have to get creative. 327 00:17:00,853 --> 00:17:02,097 So, we're gonna try the Boston Method. 328 00:17:02,121 --> 00:17:03,521 What's that? 329 00:17:03,590 --> 00:17:06,168 Basically, some dirtbag from Boston yells at your junk 330 00:17:06,192 --> 00:17:08,276 to scare it into working again. 331 00:17:08,344 --> 00:17:10,344 So you got a stupid penis, huh? 332 00:17:10,413 --> 00:17:11,945 I... I guess so. 333 00:17:12,014 --> 00:17:14,649 You hear me in there, dum-dum? Let's look alive. 334 00:17:14,717 --> 00:17:17,557 Listen, I could be nice about this or I could get my brother. 335 00:17:17,587 --> 00:17:21,822 And he did some serious time for throwing a turkey off a bridge into a car. 336 00:17:21,891 --> 00:17:23,557 It's... It's not working. 337 00:17:23,626 --> 00:17:24,858 All right, well, I got to go. 338 00:17:24,927 --> 00:17:28,212 There's a ripped screen door that needs slamming. 339 00:17:28,281 --> 00:17:30,448 How could a town with so many great colleges 340 00:17:30,516 --> 00:17:32,550 produce nothing but dopes? 341 00:17:38,324 --> 00:17:39,551 You sure this is gonna work, Quagmire? 342 00:17:39,575 --> 00:17:40,875 Of course. 343 00:17:40,944 --> 00:17:42,922 This isn't the first time I've rigged up a sex puppet. 344 00:17:42,946 --> 00:17:45,279 I now have full control over your genitals. 345 00:17:45,348 --> 00:17:46,397 Are you sure? 346 00:17:46,466 --> 00:17:47,546 Yeah, check it out. 347 00:17:49,118 --> 00:17:51,469 It looks like an unmanned fire hose. 348 00:17:51,538 --> 00:17:54,121 Stop smiling, this is serious. You got to have your sex face. 349 00:17:54,190 --> 00:17:57,191 Okay, okay, my sex face is a ton of underbite. 350 00:17:58,260 --> 00:17:59,393 Okay. 351 00:17:59,462 --> 00:18:01,045 Lois, I'm ready. 352 00:18:04,350 --> 00:18:05,749 Oh, Peter! 353 00:18:08,571 --> 00:18:10,154 How about this? 354 00:18:11,541 --> 00:18:13,874 Damn it, Peter, I'll set the pace, you idiot. 355 00:18:13,943 --> 00:18:15,454 All right, now to let some line out. 356 00:18:15,478 --> 00:18:17,638 Let her dance with it a little. 357 00:18:20,183 --> 00:18:22,399 Oh, come on, Peter, get out of my water glass. 358 00:18:22,468 --> 00:18:23,767 I need to take a pill later. 359 00:18:23,836 --> 00:18:25,080 Oh, sorry, I guess I need 360 00:18:25,104 --> 00:18:26,365 to be a little more to the left. 361 00:18:26,389 --> 00:18:28,172 A little more to the left! 362 00:18:28,240 --> 00:18:30,886 Come on, Quagmire, you were a Navy pilot for six years. 363 00:18:30,910 --> 00:18:32,125 Land this thing. 364 00:18:40,102 --> 00:18:42,320 Oh, Peter, that's new. 365 00:18:42,388 --> 00:18:43,771 Let me try. 366 00:18:44,440 --> 00:18:45,740 Eh, tired. 367 00:18:49,962 --> 00:18:51,612 Nothing seems to be working, you guys. 368 00:18:51,681 --> 00:18:53,297 Is it gonna be like this forever? 369 00:18:53,366 --> 00:18:54,610 Yes. No. 370 00:18:54,634 --> 00:18:55,699 Yes. 371 00:18:55,752 --> 00:18:57,034 Hold on, Peter. 372 00:18:57,102 --> 00:18:58,314 You didn't start having trouble in the bedroom 373 00:18:58,338 --> 00:18:59,681 until you lost your job, right? 374 00:18:59,705 --> 00:19:00,771 Yeah, so? 375 00:19:00,840 --> 00:19:01,917 Well, that explains it. 376 00:19:01,941 --> 00:19:03,419 I mean, you've been completely emasculated 377 00:19:03,443 --> 00:19:04,987 because you're no longer the breadwinner. 378 00:19:05,011 --> 00:19:06,544 What are you getting at, Quagmire? 379 00:19:06,613 --> 00:19:09,191 There's only one thing that's gonna restore your masculinity. 380 00:19:09,215 --> 00:19:11,127 We got to get you your old job back. 381 00:19:11,151 --> 00:19:13,484 It was a mistake for me to ever take that promotion. 382 00:19:13,553 --> 00:19:14,663 Wait a minute. 383 00:19:14,687 --> 00:19:16,247 It was a mistake giving you a promotion. 384 00:19:17,590 --> 00:19:18,689 Quagmire! 385 00:19:18,758 --> 00:19:20,625 I'm not following you. 386 00:19:23,530 --> 00:19:26,458 So, by promoting an incompetent man, you were at fault. 387 00:19:26,482 --> 00:19:28,115 Nice try, but I'm not the one 388 00:19:28,184 --> 00:19:29,944 who drove a forklift into a conference room 389 00:19:29,986 --> 00:19:31,652 and sent two people to the hospital. 390 00:19:31,720 --> 00:19:35,323 Come on, since this man lost his job, he can't pleasure his wife. 391 00:19:35,391 --> 00:19:36,623 Is that true? 392 00:19:36,692 --> 00:19:39,927 I have what the kids call "maje wien probs." 393 00:19:39,995 --> 00:19:42,280 Angela, I really need my job back. 394 00:19:42,348 --> 00:19:44,043 And I could stand here and give you 395 00:19:44,067 --> 00:19:45,711 a big speech about second chances 396 00:19:45,735 --> 00:19:47,868 and promise to work harder than ever before. 397 00:19:47,937 --> 00:19:50,683 And I could remind you that one day you might be in my shoes 398 00:19:50,707 --> 00:19:52,417 and maybe you'll need a second chance. 399 00:19:52,441 --> 00:19:54,058 But I'm not gonna do that. 400 00:19:54,126 --> 00:19:57,055 I'm gonna cash in this coupon you gave me last Valentine's Day. 401 00:19:57,079 --> 00:20:00,364 "One Redo for Being Fired for Gross Negligence." 402 00:20:00,433 --> 00:20:01,948 "And One Hug." 403 00:20:03,920 --> 00:20:05,987 The hug one is expired, Griffin. 404 00:20:07,690 --> 00:20:09,607 This one's for free. 405 00:20:09,675 --> 00:20:11,609 Welcome back, Griffin. 406 00:20:11,678 --> 00:20:12,977 Aw! 407 00:20:13,046 --> 00:20:14,278 Who's that? 408 00:20:14,346 --> 00:20:17,214 Oh, I hired a studio audience to do your old job. 409 00:20:17,283 --> 00:20:19,016 You guys are fired. 410 00:20:19,085 --> 00:20:20,085 Aw! 411 00:20:28,444 --> 00:20:31,345 Peter, I can't help you shake DVDs out of the Redbox again. 412 00:20:31,414 --> 00:20:33,079 I got in trouble last time. 413 00:20:33,148 --> 00:20:34,815 Now, go away, I'm working. 414 00:20:34,883 --> 00:20:38,519 You don't have to anymore, because I got my old job back. 415 00:20:38,587 --> 00:20:40,554 Peter, I'm so proud of you. 416 00:20:40,623 --> 00:20:44,019 And you know what? Something else is working now, too. 417 00:20:44,043 --> 00:20:46,043 Oh, my. Let's go home. 418 00:20:46,112 --> 00:20:49,763 No. I am gonna do you right here on a stack of pita bread. 419 00:20:51,651 --> 00:20:53,250 Oh, Peter! 420 00:20:53,319 --> 00:20:56,119 Yeah, the bread's all soft and doughy, isn't it? 421 00:20:56,188 --> 00:20:58,166 And the inside of the bag's always wet 422 00:20:58,190 --> 00:21:01,191 because those hairy dummies put it in too hot. 423 00:21:05,064 --> 00:21:06,863 This is a cool place.